well i decided to start the couch to 5K again with charlie. i was super hesitant to start this again. i am not feeling that well about myself right now. there is a lot of self negativity going on in my head and it is hard to stay focused on the good results.
i had high hopes of starting off today 5 min warmup, 60 second run, 90 second walk and repeat run and walk 8 times.
i got through my 2nd run and was starting to struggle, by the end of my 3rd i started to get the panic that my body couldn't do this. i started to cry and had to get through it in the 90 seconds of walking to start running again. all that was going through my head was, "i can't do this", "you are weak", "you are going to be fat and out of shape forever".
all i wanted to do was walk back home and cry, but charlie would not let me. he kept me going and saying positive things, even though i was saying negative things right back.
i threw up a little a couple of times, cried, thought i was going to pass out, my legs went a little numb.
when i got home i was drenched in sweat and just wanted water. now that i am done i am sore and know i will be tomorrow.
we are going to do this mon-wed-fri. i am really hoping to get through this 9 week journey and run a 5K at the end. i need this for myself because i give up on everything when it gets tough. i need to prove this to myself that i can do this.